Google to replace cars

Just kidding. They are not. But they *are* making cars. Pretty ugly ones, but really, who cares, when it drives itself? Yes, car companies need to fear Google (not Elon Musk). For one thing, it seems to have unbound itself from the arbitrary rules of beauty that carmakers are chained to – and probably spend millions in design and market research to follow. I mean, have you seen the Google car? It’s fugly. But, once again, a couple of years from now, when Google puts out its fugly car, priced low enough for the average Joe to buy, it’ll become the new fad. Soon , everyone will have one. Ugly cars might even become a trend (you know how ugly SUV’s became, and yet, everyone has one). So, there you go!

Google is stepping into wireless. They already have Android. Soon they’ll rule the world. Amazon won’t have a thing on it, no matter how many things Jeff Bezos hawks. See, Bezos is going after the hardware. He’s making the phone. But a phone is useless without the medium, which, in this case, is wireless. Own the medium, and you’ll own everyone who needs it to use a phone. It’s quite simple, really.

Also, don’t forget, Google has launched a beta test of a mix-and-match “modular phone” that you can buy in parts and put together yourself. That way, when the next generation of cell phones come out, you won’t be out hundreds; you’ll just buy a part and replace that in your existing phone. Very nice.

All in all, pretty cute. And while Marissa Meyer spends her time throwing t**** at Google talking about their 20% time, Google is working hard to own everyone’s souls. Who gives a s*** what Google’s HR policies are. Seriously. If you don’t like it, don’t work there.

Right then, folks, see you in San Francisco in your Google car.

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