Sometimes I have these crazy dark thoughts. I want to leave my mark on the world. But even if I did, so what? I’m just another hologram in a holosuite. That’s all. I’ll wink out just like everyone else. And so what if someone remembers me for a bit? It won’t do me any favors wherever I’m going when I wink out. If I’m going anywhere at all. Probably no where. Or maybe back to the big spark. I wish I could find the big spark while I’m still in the holosuite. I wish I could find the construct of our holosuite. I wish I could find the creator.
Or maybe we should just really go after what makes us happy. That would be like writing on the walls of the holosuite the best way you know how. The only other thing to do would be to simply refuse to play the game in the holosuite, to refuse to participate in the stupidity. That you could do by killing yourself, or just not doing much at all. You could simply just exist. Don’t contribute or do much of anything at all… which is what most people do anyhow.
God this is just killing me. Not knowing the truth is killing me. Is it killing you too? How does everyone just stay sane like that and not scream? How do they just go on with their lives when no one knows what the hell is really going on? And why does no one ever protest it? I guess there’s no one to protest it to. What do you do if you’re in an arena and expected to play a game… either you play it or tell off the creator sufficiently to the point where they say okay you can get out, you’re free to go. But your time in the arena is limited, because the whole time you’re in there you’re decaying. Your body is constantly ageing. What a crazy set up! I don’t know why no one spends more time figuring that out. Instead we spend time gratifying ourselves through our addictions… hiding from the question any way we can. But it’s a scary thing, I suppose, to feel the emptiness of existence. It’s terrifying. I would say it’s worse than hell but I don’t know what hell is about and I don’t think I’ve been there, and I don’t have any desire to go there.
It doesn’t help getting high to figure this out. You just get more distracted. It’s better doing it sober. The places you can go sober! It’s much more crazy simply because you’re sober and not silly and goofy like you’d get if you were high. Your thoughts are just that much clearer while you’re sober. That stuff about different places of reality is just silly. You can make up all the crap you want about planes of existence but the fact remains that you’re in this body. You’re not going anywhere until you die. You’re in this plane of existence.
Or maybe we should just be content finding comfort in each other. If you have someone else to comfort you, that is. If you don’t, you’re fucked. Or maybe it’s just really hot and there’s no air in this room and it’s the middle of summer, and I hate my work desperately sometimes. Yeah I’m working on it. I need to shut up. There are people starving out there. I’m lucky my parents cared about me. I’m just full of shit sometimes. But if you do figure out the answer to the holosuite, let me know.