HILLARY WINS!

I’m no conspiracy theorist, but the more I watch the ongoing drama, I get the distinct feeling we’re being corralled like sheep onto Hillary’s side, by two parties that only seem to oppose each other.

For one thing, it’s odd that of all the candidates they could’ve come up with, the GOP chose Trump. Before we proceed any further, let’s imagine him at, say, the G7. Let that image sit for a bit: his dignified pose… his calm, measured words… never speaking out of turn… and of course, that hair… just the very image of dignity.

Then, even if you ignore the exterior and look to experience, what do you have? He was in real estate and some TV shows. I have to say, he did seem a refreshing idea way back when, for about ten minutes, owing to the fact that he seemed outspoken. And of course, as the months have gone by, we’ve been privy to these utter jewels of character: “… bomb the hell out of them…” invoking memories of Hiroshima and Nagasaki;  “maybe he should’ve been roughed up…” about the BLM protester at his rally; “if she weren’t my daughter…” about Ivanka; “Mexican immigrants are bringing crime.. they’re rapists…”; “… international bankers…” alluding to the Jews; and of course, the best one of all: “grab ’em by the pussy.”

Hillary has experience in spades. First Lady, Senate, Sec State: an impressive body of work at a high level in the government, spanning decades. Not to mention: laser-sharp intellect, well-educated, knows the game, knows what to say, how to say it. And she damned sure looks the part.

The choice seems to be literally glaring at us. Yes, there’s the Second Amendment to consider, and the fact that screwing with that would set a terrifying precedent for pretty much anything else. The problem is, as people go to the polls, I have a feeling that despite all of Hillary’s flaws, they’ll have a hard time choosing a seeming bigot who’s now best known for the catchphrase “grab ‘em by the pussy.”

Here’s what I think happened. She was always raring to be president. Obama was the primer. Once that happened, it was her turn. The powers that be agreed, but there was the little matter of the general public. How do you corral a good portion of 319 million people in the right direction? Easy. Just install someone like yours truly as the opposing candidate.

Of course, Trump is no fool. He’s getting a tremendous deal in exchange for his role in pushing people towards Hillary. It takes a certain kind of person to be willing to be skewered globally by the words “grab ‘em by the pussy.” The GOP’s payoff is no doubt memorable as well. The debates are celebrity shows. The media circuses are just that—modern-day circuses i.e., entertainment. And, if Trump does win the popular vote by some freak accident, there’s always the electoral college to right that error.

Why does this happen? Imagine that you’re a politician. It’s incredibly hard work getting up there because everyone and their mother wants to rule the world. You slave over it, give up everything for it, work yourself to the bone, sacrifice your very soul. And one day, decades later, when you’re finally in a position to become leader of the free world, would you really leave it up to a bunch of sheep to decide your fate? After all that struggle, all that sacrifice?? Fuck, no. You’re gonna rig that fucker any way you can.

The real surprise, of course, is that the public doesn’t seem to have figured it out yet.

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